Just Move the Ladder

I don't know why, but suddenly i got this mood to write in English, so i'll try to write this post in English. Please excuse my grammar.

I live in a two-storied house. My room -place where i spend my whole life these past few years- is in the ground floor, in the most back side of my house, furthest from the front gate. Meanwhile, my wifi modem is located in the second floor. Before, this modem was located in the center of the second floor, but because of some little renovation, the modem had to be removed to near the balcony, further from my room downstairs. For the wifi signal to be able to reach the whole area in the ground floor -including my beloved room-, i have to use wifi extender that i plug into the stop contact right outside of my room because i want to get the strongest signal in ground floor, and yes i'm a selfish person that's the most suitable position to catch the signal from upstairs and extending it to the widest area in ground floor. And it worked perfectly fine, the signal can reach my room comfortably, even after the modem has been removed. Until today.

This morning, the internet connection in my room suddenly got trouble. The signal was very weak and come and gone, just like romantic relationship in my life. Of course, this caused a huge panic and tremendous distress in me. And no matter what i do, i couldn't find the solution and repair it, again, just like romantic relationship in my life.

First, i checked the wifi modem in the second floor. It looks normal. All the lights were on. I tried to use my phone near the modem and it worked just fine. So the modem was fine, i thought, and the problem must be on the wifi extender. At that moment, i already noticed a huge iron ladder that stood right in front of the modem, but i didn't think much of it.

So i brought the extender upstairs, plugged it into the stop contact near the modem, reset it, and tried my phone using the internet connection from the extender. It worked fine too. So both the modem and the extender were fine, the problem was signal from the modem couldn't reach the extender if it's moved downstairs. And that could only mean two things, either the signal from the modem was weak, or the extender's sensor was broken and couldn't catch the signal from the modem if it's too far.

So i called my internet provider customer service, and they said that the internet connection in my area was normal, no problem at all. And my final conclusion that moment was that the extender was the source of the problem. That's it. Eureka! And that's not really surprising because the extender is a cheap one and i was already using it for quite some time.

I almost bought a new wifi extender in online shop when i gave a second thought to the ladder in front of the modem. It made of iron, so maybe somehow it blocked the wifi signal. I moved it right away and voila, the internet connection was normal again. The wifi signal can reach the extender even after i moved it downstairs, just like before.

The problem and even more important, the solution, was simple, if only i had basic wifi knowledge that said, "Don't put anything stupidly huge in front of your modem, it will block the damn signal!" But because i failed to acknowledge the root of the problem in the first place, it took me almost half a day and a certain amount of stress just trying to figure it out. And if i continue failing to address the problem, maybe i will spend some money unnecessarily.

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Don't you ever think how tragic it is that a small and often silly problem can become serious and sometimes disabling if it left untreated? As a person who has long suffered and has been spoken to a lot of people with mental illness, i often wonder, what caused us to be like this? What is the root of our mental illness?

Genetics aside, one of the main culprit is experience in the past, especially when a person was still in their infancy, crucial times when they were the most vulnerable and their belief and perspective about this world were formed. If you lived in a good, caring, and loving environment at that time, you'll probably have a positive outlook about yourself and other people when you're an adult. On the contrary, if you lived in dysfunctional, or even abusive environment at that time, you will have negative outlook toward yourself and other people.

Maybe it seems like a small thing. A child has often been bullied or being lied to by his brother. So what, it's a child thing, the kid eventually will grow out of it, make new friends, and forget about his brother! Nope. He will think, "My own brother, who supposed to be the person i look up to, treat me like that, how can i expect anyone else, who doesn't even share the same blood with me, to accept and treat me good?" And about the being lied things, that kid won't only have a hard time trusting his brother, but also anyone else, especially authoritative figure, person who has more power than him.

A child who often not being listened to by his parents, will be an adult who has a hard time listening and being empathetic to other people. A child who often got his belongings taken away by his sister, will grow out ultra-defensive to his belongings and have a hard time sharing with others. I've read somewhere that a person who has social phobia, usually has an experience as a child, being angered, yelled at, or got embarrassed by his parents in public place or in front of other people.

Again, maybe it seems like a small thing in that time, but the child eventually will grow out as an adult who has trouble with his self image, self confidence, interpersonal relationship, and eventually his life's motivation and purpose. And that's just in the case of dysfunctional relationship, good luck growing as an adult to those who has abusive or traumatic experience as a child.

Just like the ladder in the story above, if it never removed, the symptoms will never go away and will only escalate. If the child never have a good friend that can show him that the world is not as shitty as his childhood environment makes him to believe, he will grow up as a bitter man. If the child never find a positive community that can remind him that he deserves to be happy and be loved, just like everyone else, he will have an unfulfilling, and even ruined, life. If no one ever corrects his negative outlook toward this world, he will live his life as a living hell.

Just like the story above, i would've already bought an unnecessary new wifi extender. If the problem had persisted, i would've needed to call the customer service to find a better position for my modem, change to a new modem, or even change my internet provider. If it still hadn't worked, maybe my house was cursed by some wifi demon, and i would've needed to move to a new house. And it's all because i never moved the damn ladder.